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精彩对白：
- Drusus : You know, you mustn't mind if you dislike me. A mother can't love all her children.
- Drusus : A man should keep himself clean, not have slaves do it.
- Tiberius : And how's he supposed to scrape his own back?
- Drusus : He gets his brother to do it.
- Tiberius : If he hasn't got a brother?
- Drusus : He gets his son.
- Drusus : Gets his friend.
- Tiberius : And if he hasn't got a friend?
- Drusus : Then he should go and hang himself.
- Tiberius : I've tried it. Better to have a slave scrape your back.
- [On Claudius]
- Livia : That child should have been exposed at birth.
- Senator : There are those who say you cannot hear properly, you cannot speak properly, and that you've got no experience of government.
- Claudius : And that I am besides half-witted. Senators, it is true that I am hard of hearing, but you will find it is not for want of listening. As for speaking, again, it's true I have an impediment. But isn't what a man says more important than how long he takes to say it? It's true again I have little experience of government. But then, have you more? I at least have lived with the imperial family who has ruled this empire ever since you so spinelessly handed it over to us. I've observed it working more closely than any of you. Is your experience better than that? As for being half-witted, well, what can I say - except that I have survived to middle age with *half* my wits, while thousands have died with *all* of theirs intact. Evidently, *quality* of wits is more important than *quantity*. Senators, I shall do nothing unconstitutional; I shall appear at the next session of the senate where you may confirm me in my position or not as you wish. But if it pleases you not to, explain your reasons to them
- [points at the Praetorians]
- Claudius : Not to me.
- Herod : Listen Claudius, let me give you a piece of advice.
- Claudius : Oh, I thought you'd finished giving advice.
- Herod : Well, just one more piece, then I'm done. Trust no one, my friend, no one. Not your most grateful freedman. Not your most intimate friend. Not your dearest child. Not the wife of your bosom. Trust no one.
- Claudius : No one? Not even you?
- Minester : Permit me to introduce myself. My name is Minester, I'm an actor. Most people have heard of me.
- Scylla : My name is Scylla, and I'm a whore. Everybody's heard of me.
- Scylla : The difference between you and me, actor, is you're a snob and I'm not. And the difference between this great lady and myself is that my work is her hobby. My hobby happens to be gardening, for which I don't expect to be paid.
- Tiberius : I will make you my successor, Gaius Caligula. Rome deserves you.
- Caligula : Is that a joke, uncle?
- Tiberius : Not yet, but it will be.
- [to a unruly stadium crowd]
- Caligula : If you had but one neck, I'd hack it through.
- Claudius : What do you think it means?
- Herod : I would think it means that she wishes you to dine with her. I'd take my own wine if I were you.
- Augustus : Is there any man in Rome who has NOT slept with my daughter?
- [Tiberius is asking questions about Macro]
- Tiberius : Do you know him personally?
- Caligula : No, but I've slept with his wife several times.
- Caligula : Do you think I'm mad?
- Claudius : Mad? I think you set the standard of sanity for the whole world.
- Sejanus : I need no trial to prove your guilt.
- Gallus : A tune sung by every corrupt small-town policeman, which is what you are, and what you should have stayed.
- Drusus : I wouldn't take Britain if I were you. There's nothing of value there and the people make terrible slaves.
- Senator : You are not fit to be Emperor.
- Claudius : I agree. But neither was Caligula.
- Senator : So what is the difference?
- Claudius : He would not have agreed. And by now your head would be on that floor for saying so.
- Claudius : But who is this "Messiah?"
- Marsus : A king, Caesar, who is to come and redeem Israel of all its sins. Philo, their greatest living scholar says that he is to be descended from King David, and born in a village called, em...
- [his aide whispers in his ear]
- Marsus : What?
- [the aide whispers again]
- Marsus : Bethlehem.
- [on Jesus Christ]
- Claudius : So he has followers, then?
- Marsus : Oh, yes, yes, it's a cult. There are always cults, Caesar.
- [On his last day before the Senate, Claudius sees the ghosts of his family and predecessors]
- Augustus : Well done, Claudius, emperor after all! Who would have thought it, eh?
- Livia : You're a fool, boy, you always were. People might say it's not your fault. Well, if it's not your fault, whose is it then?
- Tyzack, Margaret: Your nose is still dripping, Claudius, still dripping.
- Tiberius : Wasn't worth it, was it? I could have told you that.
- Caligula : Uncle Claudius, I wasn't the Messiah after all, would you believe that? Could have knocked me over with a feather then they told me that.
- Livia : Don't touch the figs.
- Claudius : Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud hatch out.
- [about Augustus being deified]
- Claudius : I believe it was foretold.
- Livia : Really. Who foretold it?
- Claudius : Jove.
- Livia : Jove, eh?
- Claudius : A hundred days ago he melted the 'C' off one of Augustus' statues.
- Livia : And what does that mean, idiot head?
- Claudius : If you strike the letter 'C' from the word 'Caesar,' the word 'aesar' is left. And in Etruscan 'aesar' means 'God'.
- Livia : If the gods were going to give us a message, why wouldn't they give it to us in Latin?
- Livia : You wanted to know the truth and you called it a 'small' condition.
- Antonia : [to Claudius] You blockhead.
- Herod : No. He's not a blockhead. It's WE who are the blockheads. If Sejanus had come to us with a proposal like that we would have given him his marching orders. But Claudius knows better. Claudius sways and bends with each little wind that blows.
- Agrippina : By which you mean he's weak and cowardly.
- Herod : Perhaps. But at least he's still here.
- Claudius : Caligula, if you get the chance, you must speak up for them.
- Caligula : Of course I shall. For mother, anyway. To tell you the truth, I couldn't give a damn about Drusus and Nero.
- Claudius : But they're your brothers.
- Caligula : Yes, I know. But then, you don't like Aunt Livilla, and she's your sister. Now, I *love* my sisters, uncle.
- Claudius : Yes, I know.
- Livia : No one can talk to you anymore.
- Augustus : Anyone can talk to me at any time, except you. You don't talk to people. You bully them.
- Livia : This conversation is becoming ridiculous.
- Augustus : No, this conversation was ridiculous from the start.
- [Of Claudius's clumsiness]
- Tiberius : That grandson of yours could wreck the empire just by strolling through it.
- [Of the senate]
- Livia : They won't allow me in because I am a woman, and they won't allow you in because you're a fool. That's strange, when you come to think of it, because it's filled with nothing but old women and fools.
- Cassius Chaerea : If you are no longer his friend, what can you be but his enemy?
- Marcus : Go your own way, Cassius.
- Cassius Chaerea : If we all go our own way, we shall all end by going the same way.
- [Of Livia]
- Claudius : We haven't even spoken for seven years. Did you know the last time she spoke to me was when Caligula burned the house down? Even then all she said was, "If you haven't got a bucket, piss on it."
- Sejanus : Sign it.
- Gallus : What is it?
- Sejanus : A confession.
- Gallus : To what?
- Sejanus : Your conspiracy with Drusus to subvert the armies of the Rhine. Sign it.
- Gallus : You wrote it, you sign it.
- [of killing Sejanus's children]
- Guard: I can't do it. I can't just kill them, they're underage.
- Macro : They're on the list. Now get on with it.
- Guard: The girl is a virgin. It's unprecedented to kill a virgin. It will bring bad luck to the city.
- Macro : Then make sure she's not a virgin when you kill her. Now GET ON WITH IT!
- Gaius Sabinus : Will you strike the first blow?
- Cassius Chaerea : Jove himself couldn't stop me.
- Augustus : Herod, what about a little bet? I'll take the fat one for a hundred gold pieces.
- Herod : Caesar, it would be against my religion to bet on the life of a man.
- Augustus : Oh, really? I would have thought it against your religion to bet on anything.
- Herod : Caesar, it's true: Jews love gambling. But we fear our god more.
- Augustus : Which one?
- Herod : We have only one God.
- Augustus : I've never understood that, it's quite insufficient. Why don't you take some of our gods? You know, plenty of people do.
- Herod : Believe me, Caesar, the one we have is hard enough to live with!
- [Of his mother Livia]
- Tiberius : They say a snake bit her once. And died.
- [Claudius just drank three cups of wine at Livia's dinner]
- Caligula : Staking it all on one throw, Uncle Claudius?
- Livia : Hold your tongue. That was a very polite gesture of confidence in me and was much appreciated.
- Claudius : WHat about my father, who was your son? And Germanicus, who was my brother? Did you poison them?
- Livia : No. Your father dies of his wounds, and Placina poisoned Germanicus with out instructions from me. But I had marked them both down for death. They were both infected with that infantile disorder known as 'Republicanism.'
- [about her horoscope]
- Livia : It's a present from Tiberius, isn't that nice of him? Of course, what he *really* wanted to know is how much longer I'm going to live.
- Claudius : By dulling the blade of tyranny, I reconciled Rome to the monarchy.
- Claudius : I killed Britannicus' mother. I've been less than a father to him ever since.
- The Sybil: Why are you laughing?
- Claudius : I've cheated them again. They think I'm dead.
- The Sybil: But you *are* dead, you fool. You're as dead as anyone can be.
- The Sybil: They burned your book, you know? All of it. Lucky for you, you made another copy and buried it.
- Narcissus : Unable to poison Claudius' food, Agripinilla must have poisoned hers. It was in a dish of mushrooms, which she loved and out of which she had been eating. He had finished his own and had called for moore, which he often did. Then she offered him hers, out of her own dish. At first, I thought nothing of it; when you're used to seeing someone eat out of a dish it doesn't occur to you that it may contain something different in just one part. And then, she lifted the mushroom onto her fork and held it out for him to take. I knew then there was something different about it. And I knew too, as certainly as I knew *that,* that *he* knew. He *knew* it was poisoned, that his end was near, and he didn't care. He welcomed it.
- The Sybil: Farewell, Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus, god of the Britons, onetime emperor of the Roman world. Farewell.
- Claudius : [Cassius Chaerea and three senators are on trial for murdering Caligula] I cannot find it in me to condemn you, Cassius, for murdering my nephew. But you also murdered the lady Caesonia and their child, and you meant to murder me and my wife, none of whom had ever done you any harm. Is this true?
- Cassius Chaerea : I did it for the Republic, and I'd do it again.
- Claudius : No, you did it more for injuries to yourself. But even *that* doesn't weigh with me. What weighs with me is what I've heard: that it was agreed among you that only Caligula should die, but that you took it upon yourself to kill us all. Is that true?
- Cassius Chaerea : Why should I deny it, when your very existence here proves that only your death would have insured the return of the Republic?
- Claudius : Then you leave me no choice, but to condemn you for the murder of the Lady Caesonia and her child.
- [to the guards]
- Claudius : Take him away.
- Cassius Chaerea : Congratulations Caesar! You've just passed your first sentence of death. How many more before the people grow tired and pass one on you? Isn't that the way we've set for ourselves, Caesar? Think about it, Caesar! Think about it!
- Claudius : [Looks at the Senators who are also on trial] The investigation into this affair... is closed.